New Sox unforms are a complete disaster

When the Boston Red Sox announced they wouldn’t be raising ticket prices for the first time in 14 seasons last month, it was seen as yet another reason to praise what has become America’s model franchise. While those evil bastards in the Bronx were to trying to force fans to pay simply to breath in the smog-filled Bronx air outside of Yankee stadium and passing off singular blades of grass from inside the park as memorabilia, the Red Sox were a breath of fresh air, the one team who actually understood what a recession means.

Of course, reality set in and the team realized that the money it takes to monopolize the Asian pitching market needs to come from somewhere. So last Thursday, two weeks before Christmas, it decided to unveil new logos and a few alternative uniforms that it will wear in a clear attempt to raise merchandising profits. Hey at least there are no players going all Kobe Bryant and changing their numbers on everyone…yet.

Truth be told, I’m fine with the Red Sox doing whatever they need to make extra money. I mean, I’m the guy who asked the drug dealers that hang out in the park near my apartment if they wanted to advertise on this website. My problem with the new hats and jerseys is they look like the ones that are given away at crappy events sponsored by Bank of America.

I’ve always felt you could judge a fan simply by the apparel he wears. For example, you should never the trust the guy wearing his team’s heartthrob’s jersey. A guy wouldn’t call Leonardo DiCaprio his favorite actor, so he shouldn’t sport a Derek Jeter shirt. For male Red Sox fans, Dustin Pedroia probably falls into this category, unless they are under 5’5. Same goes for adults who have their last name on a jersey. It’s not little league anymore, folks.

As far as these new hats and jerseys go, they look too much like the type of things you’d buy from unlicensed dealers hanging in and around Back Bay station. And before the Red Sox decided to make them look official, the only person caught dead wearing that silly “hanging sox” hat would be your boss, who just happened to have your staff outing fall on free hat night at McCoy Stadium (Red Sox AAA affiliate).

Now the goofy guy who wears an adjustable “hanging sox” cap with his gray and navy blue (these are Yankees colors by the way) Pedroia Jersey might actually pass for a diehard fan. And that is just unacceptable. The majority of the 47,000 fans polled on Boston.com agree. There were plenty of ways to raise extra money. But creating ugly new logos and uniforms was the worst idea since trading Jeff Bagwell.