Ray Kinsella’s Wife Wouldn’t Like This One Bit

To quote my cousin from Canada who occasionally drunk dials me,

“Fuckin’ yanks.”

An elementary school in Massachusetts has decided to ban chase games, like tag or touch football, because they are worried about parents holding the school liable for the injuries their children might sustain while taking part in these devil worshipping activities.

As if children in this country aren’t outrageously obese already, now they’re overweight parents want them to be fat little pussies as well.

Make no mistake about it; this is just as wrong as banning books that contain mildly abusive language or the occasional sex scene. The only reason parents approve things like this is because they are too busy or too lazy and don’t want to deal with anything going on in their child’s lives.

With books, it was the horrifying thought of their children running around calling each other bitches and having wild orgies that got to them. You know, if you eliminate the source of these thoughts, then maybe daddy can enjoy his beer and watch Dog the Bounty Hunter without having to bother telling his kid that that it’s wrong to swear or have sex until they’re grown up.

Now, parents are essentially ridding themselves of unnecessary first aid work. Eliminating play time injuries in school means that any injury a kid does come home with will result in a nice new Lexus for mommy.

It’s simply preposterous.

I’m all for the playground being pro-choice. If the girls want to play jump rope or if a fat little boy wants to be a fat little boy, let them.

But let’s not a whole generation of children spend their lives on the sidelines. Who will we watch on television?