I'm Starting to Hate Joakim Noah


Okay so he’s hasn’t reached Favre, Clemens or Redick status yet, but he’s getting there.

Within a month, Joakim Noah went from just another part of Florida’s impending March choke to Most Outstanding Player of the NCAA tournament. Over that same time, he has become one of the most annoying athletes in the world.

Maybe it’s pure jealousy. No one likes to see an already filthy rich kid succeed at anything and Noah just turned himself into a lottery pick. There’s more though.

He’s a chest pumper, which is just like floor slapping, only worse. Plus, he does it after every basket whether it’s against Savannah State or UCLA – meaning he’s consistently a prick.

He refers to his team as the “Gator boys,” whenever he talks to the media. That makes me think he probably talks in the third person all the time and nobody wants to hear a guy named Joakim Noah say “Joakim Noah and his Gator boys are comin’ to rock the party.”

Worst of all, like J.J. Redick, he can handle heckling and even has witty comebacks. The one flaw he possess’ is that he is one of the ugliest people ever to go to school in Florida. So when UCLA cheerleaders made fun of him last night, he winked and smiled at them.

"They were saying, 'You're so ugly.' It hurts you when you have so many beautiful girls telling me how ugly I am. About all I could do was blow a kiss so they might like me."

The rest of Noah’s career could play out in one of two ways:

1. He leaves for the NBA this season, gets beaten severely for being so cocky and then goes on to have a quiet, average career.
2. He stays in school, receiving Matt Leinart style classes/treatment, and everyone recognizes him as the most hated player in all of college basketball.

I hope he goes with the latter.

Gators Growl – Miami Herald


Sussman 8:28 PM, April 04, 2006  

It's like Wes Mantooth kissing Ron Burgundy on the forehead.

"I hate you more than anyone else on Earth, Joakim Noah. But dammit, I respect you!"


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